Today we’re going to get into one of the most commonly used terms in the swinging community – the soft swap. If you’re just testing the waters, it’s probably a suggestion that you’ve been given before. Have a soft swap and see how you like it, see how it makes you feel, and make sure that the act of swinging really sits alright with you.
But what, exactly, is a soft swap?
It’s a ‘starting point’ with swinging, so to speak. A lot of people will try a soft swap before fully committing to the lifestyle, or to the partner they’re hooking up with. In short, a soft swap is when your fun and games stop just shy of penetration. This can be a lot more comfortable for someone that’s still trying to figure out how much they’re willing to do and how far into the lifestyle they’re willing to go.
It’s also a great way to make sure that jealousy isn’t an issue! It’s okay if the thought or sight of your lover with someone else isn’t something that you can deal with. Some people really just aren’t meant to share. A soft swap is a great way to see if you can keep your jealousy in check long enough for a fun romp with another person, or if you need to keep the bedroom door closed for a couple’s night in.
So, there’s no actual sex involved in this activity. Can you still have fun on a soft swap?
Not every orgasm has to be brought about by penetration. Caressing, touching, kissing, and manual stimulation all fall into the category of a soft swap. Depending on who you’re with and the limits you lay down, oral sex might be on the table too. Make sure to have a chat with everyone in your party before things get started, so everyone is on the same page.
Soft swaps are also a great way to bring up swinging to your partner, By keeping actual sex off the table, it might make it easier to broach the topic with your current lover. It makes everything seem a little more tame, and a little more safe.
Speaking of safe, if that’s a concern of yours, soft swaps are absolutely the way to go! What do we mean by that? Well, if you’re not actually having penetrative sex, the risk of an accidental pregnancy drops pretty much to zero. It also significantly lowers your chance of picking up an STD from your partner. As is the case with any life style, catching something like HPV or herpes is a risk that swingers take every time they get in touch with a partner. HPV just needs skin to skin contact to spread, and herpes can be spread both through oral sex and kissing. A dental dam might be something you want to look into if you’re taking part in a soft swap for the first time or too.
What happens if the soft swap doesn’t do it for you? Easy! You can just go back to your monogamous lifestyle. There’s no right or wrong way to have a relationship, as long as everything is consensual and there’s no cheating involved. A non monogamous life isn’t the right fit for everyone – which is why a soft swap should be your starting place! That way, if you decide it’s not the fun you’re looking for, you can back out of the swinging community without having to feel guilty or strange about something you tried.
Have you ever tried a sex game or activity that just didn’t do it for you? Let us hear about it in the comments below!
And in the mean time, remember that the most important part to any relationship or game is being honest with your partner, and trusting that they’ll listen to you and not attempt to pressure you one way or the other. Swinging can be a great way to broaden your fun and share the love, but it’s perfectly fine to give it a shot and then go ‘nope, that just really isn’t for me’!
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